AMAZING MEDICAL BREAKTHROUGH ANNOUNCED!
DRAMATIC CURE FOR MYSTERIOUSLY DEBILITATING
CONDITION PUZZLING EXPERTS FOR GENERATIONS!
THE CURE FOR 2 LEFT FEET
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:
Researchers at Dance Haddonfield, in Haddonfield, New Jersey today announced the successful completion of tests on a new treatment for that mysteriously debilitating condition known as 2 Left Feet. Review of the tests by the FDA (Federal Dance Administration) reveal that this new method is 120% effective in clinical trials.
2 left feet has most commonly been encountered in males, manifesting itself when they are asked about dancing, although it is also known to afflict women. The most common symptom of this ailment is the victim saying I cant dance I have 2 left feet.
Tests, until now kept tightly under wraps, show that after just one night of swing, fox trot or rumba, any Sunday evening at Dance Haddonfield, Grace Church, Kings Highway, Haddonfield, NJ, all symptoms of 2 left feet disappear. This condition is frequently replaced with:
The studies reveal that once the treatment is applied the symptoms never recur. Dancers report repeated instances of smiling and feeling happy, much livelier social lives, and a dramatically improved sense of well-being from the vigorous (but gentle) exercise provided by dancing.
- Wow, that was fun, lets do it again
- Gee, I didnt know dancing was so easy and
- What a nice way to meet new people.
Those taking the treatment for extended periods have been observed dancing in their living rooms when they think no one is watching, and showing off their dance steps at friends weddings.
Studies have also shown that additional benefits include elimination of complaints about nothing to do and disappearance of the words there is no place around here to meet anyone nice and how come you never take me anyplace thats romantic.
The tests have been conducted every Sunday since April 2000, with lessons from 7 to 8:00 PM, and open ballroom dancing from 8:00 to 10:30. Treatment is only $15 (sorry, not covered by most medical insurers). The treatment center, Grace Church, is located at 19 Kings Highway East, Haddonfield, NJ. Joe Murphy, head of clinical dance research, can be reached at 856 429-5355 or at firstname.lastname@example.org. Information about this treatment can be found at www.dancehaddonfield.org.
Experts caution that left untreated, 2 left feet can lead to uncontrolled bouts of television watching, whining and aimless mall shopping. It may even cause those experiencing this ailment to fall victim to the dreaded condition, couch potato. Experts advise immediate treatment.
"POSITIVELY NO JEANS OR SHORTS OR GRUNGY SNEAKERS PERMITTED"
You can reach us by e-mail Here or by phone at 856-429-5355.
Or you can ask Joe Murphy, the instigator of this dance conspiracy.
Dance Haddonfield is the weekly dance held by the Delaware Valley chapter of USA Dance.
Our mailing address is:
c/o Joe Murphy
30 Tanner Street
Haddonfield NJ 08033